When you work in administration roles, unfortunately for most it is the norm that when you do something right or do something well, you rarely receive any thanks or recognition. But on the flipside, when you do do something wrong, boy oh boy do you hear about it! It's well documented that appreciation is fundamental human need for many, and when it is absent in our closest working relationships it can often leave us feeling undervalued, unrespected, and questioning whether in fact we are doing a good job. Many assistants I speak with explain to me that appreciation expressed through recognition confirms for them that their work is actually valued. And when you feel your work is valued, satisfaction and productivity go up, along with motivation and your desire to maintain or improve your good work. So with such a simple recipe for success, why is it so difficult for some manager's to express their thanks and appreciation to their assistants? Why are some manager's so reluctant to show their gratitude to the one's that are basically running their lives? It made me curious to investigate this on a psychological level, in the hope that perhaps we can actually shelve the idea that their lack of recognition is personal or that they don't respect the job we do, and instead reveal its just something to do with how they're wired internally.
Those with higher than normal expectations
We've all worked with or for one of these personality types before - these are the managers that have expectations so high that you need a ladder just to catch a glimpse of them. So when you work with these types you find them questioning the need to have to thank others for the things that must be done anyway. For these managers, their view is that appreciation should only be expressed when someone goes above and beyond what’s generally expected, and even then they struggle to find the words, and perhaps as not to show weakness - which leads me to the next type.
Those that see it as a sign of weakness
These are the overly confident and cocky types that seem to think that others will see them as inadequate or weak if they have to rely upon them and thank them for their help. A misguided thought, as sharing our thanks and appreciation actually encourages others to do the same. On the flipside, the opposite of this is one we all know very well and that's the insecure and incredibly nervous type who constantly thank you over and over again, for the most insignificant of things (and it's usually the same type that apologise profusely, even when its not necessary).
Those with baggage
Most of us associate being gracious and saying ‘thank you’ with our parents always publicly reminding us to be polite and thank others. Additionally we’re told as youngsters that we should be grateful for what others do for us, and as adults our partners like to remind us of that too! So for some the idea of thanking others is a forced set of words, rather than a heartfelt expression. So for those that carry around this childhood (and even adulthood) baggage often avoid recognition at all, mostly as an internal protest or inner rebelliousness that makes them feel more in control.
Those with social anxiety
Lastly there is those that are so socially awkward, they avoid any heartfelt thanks for fear that something else should need to happen or need to be said after saying that 'thank you'. So its avoided altogether, to prevent any undue focus on themselves or any feeling that one always has to do something similar to reciprocate. In effect, not saying 'thank you' keeps the communication channel closed, conveniently for them.
To me, all the above are just excuses, especially in the workplace. Despite how your brain is wired, as leaders it's your responsibility to learn the art of recognition and how it should be dealt out. There are three simple rules that should be followed when it comes to recognition, and perhaps something that you too can adopt and use, as to lead by example. Show your manager, or manager's around you, that being gracious is not that hard, and can go a long way for some:
1) Customise the recognition for the individual - if an employee doesn't like to be thanked publically and put on the spot, then don't do that to them. Similarly, if they love the lime light, then acknowledge them in the right setting. Ultimately you want them to feel comfortable being recognised, and if they are likely to become highly embarrassed then its necessary to tweak your approach.
2) Be specific - don't just say 'thanks for your help', thank them specifically for what they've done so it shows you are genuine and that you understand the effort that was involved in the task.
3) Be sincere -Thank and recognise them because you mean it, not because you are forced to. Be genuine, make a big deal about it and be consistent.
Gratitude is like a muscle, the more you use it the stronger it gets. Daily acts of gratitude also release that lovely and pleasurable hormone, dopamine, into the brain. Which is just another good reason why we should all be more gracious.
These principles of recognition should be embraced at every level in the workplace– not just manager to assistant, but colleague-to-colleague and even assistant to manager. For many assistants and support staff, a small amount of recognition can be valued more so than a pay rise – yes you read that right! Many assistant's that I speak to say a simple pat on the back and acknowledgement of their hard work would suffice any day of the week. An interesting thought. When all that's wanted is some simple thanks, it seems incomprehensible that some managers and leaders in the business world can't deliver on something so easy and not to mention free.
Thanks for reading ;)
